Monday, October 26, 2009
911, Take 2.
Big and Tasty called 911 again. Less theatrics this time as the policewoman came at 5:45 instead of midnight and was much friendlier. B&T's original thought was to place blame on my niece who, oddly enough, has not been here the past two times the cops have accidentally been called. She is about to have an awesome rotary phone from 1987 installed in her room.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Stealing a bit from the Olsen twins
Quite like the Olsen twins in the epic "Brother For Sale" movie that we all loved as children, I've come up with a great way to make money thanks to a lovely 10-year old British girl. And by "we", I mean probably only me, Tess, Kathryn, Lauren, and maybe Stephanie.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,558481,00.html?test=latestnews
Clearly, I'll be more successful, and B&T will go for far more than a measly $3,500. Also, as members, readers, and subscribers of this blog, you all are lucky enough to have the opportunity to submit the first bids. Call me or email me. And I am using a reserve price starting at $1000. The Olsen twins were not dreaming big enough with a $0.50 reserve price!
ITEM: Grandmother for Sale
RESERVE: $1000
DESCRIPTION: Delightful 86-year old woman, slightly used. For sale as is, no returns Knees are only 10 years old as an added bonus. Heavy to moderate diet of BLTs, Big and Tasty Value Meals, and lots of Hellman's a must. No Duke's. Only Hellman's. Also, any buyer must have access to the Gameshow Network, Fox on American Idol night, and ABC on Dancing with the Stars night. However, complicated remotes and satellite TV are not recommended. Item also requires plenty of prescription meds and an organized system for distributing these meds. She will be ready and waiting at pill time and cannot be delayed. Be ready to yell out of frustration, hearing loss, and a combination of the two. Item cannot travel upstairs so a second story is recommended for moments when escape from reality is necessary.
Item is very talkative and good for gossip. Not reliable for celebrity gossip, anything news-related, or weather information as she only hears one out of every five words from the TV. Gets an A+ for effort and provides entertainment with occasional news reports. Likes visits to the Dollar Tree and the occasional Burger King Surprise. Be wary of occasional 911 calls and visits from phantom bugs that may call across the phone.
Feel free to email questions and concerns.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,558481,00.html?test=latestnews
Clearly, I'll be more successful, and B&T will go for far more than a measly $3,500. Also, as members, readers, and subscribers of this blog, you all are lucky enough to have the opportunity to submit the first bids. Call me or email me. And I am using a reserve price starting at $1000. The Olsen twins were not dreaming big enough with a $0.50 reserve price!
ITEM: Grandmother for Sale
RESERVE: $1000
DESCRIPTION: Delightful 86-year old woman, slightly used. For sale as is, no returns Knees are only 10 years old as an added bonus. Heavy to moderate diet of BLTs, Big and Tasty Value Meals, and lots of Hellman's a must. No Duke's. Only Hellman's. Also, any buyer must have access to the Gameshow Network, Fox on American Idol night, and ABC on Dancing with the Stars night. However, complicated remotes and satellite TV are not recommended. Item also requires plenty of prescription meds and an organized system for distributing these meds. She will be ready and waiting at pill time and cannot be delayed. Be ready to yell out of frustration, hearing loss, and a combination of the two. Item cannot travel upstairs so a second story is recommended for moments when escape from reality is necessary.
Item is very talkative and good for gossip. Not reliable for celebrity gossip, anything news-related, or weather information as she only hears one out of every five words from the TV. Gets an A+ for effort and provides entertainment with occasional news reports. Likes visits to the Dollar Tree and the occasional Burger King Surprise. Be wary of occasional 911 calls and visits from phantom bugs that may call across the phone.
Feel free to email questions and concerns.
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